Tag Archives: Apple Money

Apple to announce plans for its $100 billion cash reserves today

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Apple has money, a lot of money, a LOT of money. In fact they are getting up close to $100 billion as of it’s last earnings report. Apple issued a press release last night to announce that they will have a conference call with CEO Tim Cooks and CFO Peter Oppenheimer.

Speculations are flying all over the internet about what Apple will buy for the $100 billion. Will they acquire some of their competitors? Will they buy every single mobile phone manufacturer on the planet (they can!)? Will they build a huge memorial for Steve Jobs by their new Cupertino head office?

We will see in some hours when the press conference is over and Tim Cooks have spoken.

In the meantime what do you think?

Humor: Letter From Mr. Tim Cook of the Apple Inc. Re: $100 Billions United States Dollars

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Dear One,

I am Mr. Tim Cook, CEO of the Apple Inc. I followed Mr. Steven P. Jobs who also is CEO of Apple Inc. though dead now. Mr. Jobs worked with the Apple Inc. for over two decade before the cold hand of death took him away on the 5th of October 2011. He and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals within the United States for America, Europe, China and South America, Africa and the rest of the globe as he had passion for poor persons with Googles Androids phones.

When my late CEO was alive he deposited the sum of $100 Billion (One Hundred Billion United States Dollars) with a bank here in the California. Presently, this money is still with the bank. Recently, Mr. Peter Oppenheimer, CFO of the Apple Inc. told me that we have a limited or numbered days on earth and that our life span will not exceed 150days due to the Maya calendar of 2012.

With this hard reality that has befallen Mr. Peter Oppenheimer, Mr. Phil Schiller nice all around guy of the Apple Inc., and me I have decided to donate this fund to a non-governmental,or a non religious, and or a non profit organization or better still an individual, that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.I want a non governmental, or a non religious, and or a non profit,organization or better still an individual, that will use this gift which comes from Mr. Steven P. Jobs sweat to fund the upkeep of widows,widowers,orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children,barren-women and persons with Android phones.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank here in the California. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in souring for a non-governmental, or a non religious, and or a non profit organization or better still an individual for this same purpose.Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you soon and God bless you and members of your family.

Mr. Tim Cook, CEO of the Apple Inc. (Benefactor)

Do you think we will soon see this spam mail in our junk folders?

Found on Gizmodo written by “ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS NIGERIAN PRINCE” :-)